Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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