Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize