Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
