fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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