Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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