Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
