i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
