did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
