you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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