I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
