are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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