I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
