and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
