I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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