he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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