The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
