Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
and you said cock pushups were impossible
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
