Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
