im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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