singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
