In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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