She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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