the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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