I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
this is an emotional support booty call
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
