I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
