I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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