i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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