remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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