I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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