i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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