Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
