doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
