If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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