i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
