I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Randomize
