Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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