just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
please come you make the beer taste better
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
