I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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