he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
