If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
