like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
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