I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize