4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
