is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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