never play flip cup with pint glasses
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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