i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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