I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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