he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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