I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize
