Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
