I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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