You can't special order awesome
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
