Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
i will never coherently bang her
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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