you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize