there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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