I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Randomize
