i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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