i dedicated my morning wood to you.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
