They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
