Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
