No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
