By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
