I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
