Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
