he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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