since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
