Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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