so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Randomize