Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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