you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
