Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
