Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize