can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
