I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
