I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
