I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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