found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
