whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Randomize
