you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
