I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
i've created a new STD.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
