I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
