He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
