My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
