I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
