I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
be right there i have to get my cape
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
