can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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