I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
