Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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